Name That Fik
by Shivvlan
Summary: Want something new? Want something exciting? Want to read like you've never read before? Want SasuNaru? Want just about every other pairing known to exist? Well, I hope not, because it's not in here. But there's other stuff. Heaps of it. Go fish!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: _We plagiarized everything we could in the creation of this fik. _

Extended Summary: **Tired of reading the same old SasuNaru fik's? Fed up with seeing the same old storylines over and over? Do you want something _more_ out of what you read? Do you want to Burn Fat Fast? Then have we got the product for you! On a special 'try before you buy' basis you can make your way through this story of raucous laughs that is _absolutely, completely, positively, very obviously _like nothing you've _ever_ read before! No really, it's not.**

**Justicehime(popular author of 'A Simple Wish') said: _'Wow! It's like nothing I've ever read before! AA'_**

**SaJi(notorious co-authors of most things YGO) declared: '**Oi, hand me the peanuts and shut up, I'm reading**.'**

**And for this special, limited time offer, we'll throw in _two_ chapters for the price of _one_! Yes, you heard me right! _Two chapters!!_**

**Send NO MONEY now! For just one easy payment of one review per chapter, you get not one but _two_ chapters, how can you pass this up? You _can't!_**

**(**_IndividualresultsmayvaryConsultyourdoctorbeforeuseIlikecheeseRefundsaresubjecttowhimNoanimalswereharmedduringthemakingofthisfikNormalmembershipconditionsapplyRatedPG-13_**)**

Authors' notes: We got sick of badly written incessant, repeated, overdone storylines of doom. We don't ask forgiveness, we give it…sarcastically.

**Warnings for entire fik**_: OOC, Shounen-ai, Shoujo-ai hints, Incest, Fluff, WaFF, Het, Pineapple, Orange, Lime, Citrus, Cussing, Violence, Weird, Shota, Mpreg-ish, _

_Pairings for entire fik:** Sasuke x Naruto, Itachi x Naruto, Kyuubi x Sasuke, Itachi x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Gaara x Prose, Sakura x Ino, Orochimaru x Itachi, Itachi x Orochimaru, Gai x Lee, Kyuubi x Sasuke x Naruto x Itachi x Hand Pineapple, Sasuke x Sakura**_

If you saw something above you didn't like…then you suck; bugger off. New Zealand Rocks.

Chapter One:

Sasuke was tense. The air around him snapped, crackled and popped with the tension it was soaking up; enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. His eyes narrowed in a glare of fierce concentration and he looked challengingly into the eyes of his opponent.

Itachi; the man who had betrayed Sasuke, his family and the entire Konoha village when he'd murdered almost the entire Uchiha clan and then deserted them to become an elusive, S-Class missing-nin.

Itachi met Sasuke's glare calmly, a slightly derisive smirk twisting his lips. After a moment the older man lifted his eyebrow and the smirk turned more mocking. Sasuke bared his teeth in a silent growl.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Damn it, bastard!" the voices came from behind Sasuke, where his two team members watched anxiously, "Don't glare at him all day, just kick his damned ass and get it over with!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched at Naruto's yelled order, but he grudgingly accepted the words and prepared himself for what would hopefully be his final move.

"Anaki," Sasuke growled the word out between tightly clenched teeth, "do you have any aces?"

Itachi's smirk twisted wider, "_Go fish_!"

"_Damn it!_" Sasuke's tension exploded out of him along with the words and he slumped back slightly in his chair before snatching a card from the top of the deck that sat between the two brothers.

"And you were so close." Itachi mocked and Sasuke shot a glare at the man before looking down to study his new card, the two of hearts.

"You can't beat me." Itachi said, his blood-red eyes seeming to gleam in the dim light, "You're too weak to beat me. Do you have any jacks?"

Sasuke ground his teeth together then bit out, "Go _fish_!"

"A pity." Itachi murmured seeming not at all perturbed as he drew a card.

Sasuke began to gnaw on his lower lip as he fingered the cards in his hand. Two cards now, only two. He could win, if luck was with him and he _had_ to win. He _had _to beat this man, this traitor.

He looked back at his card and then at Itachi. "Do you have a Joker?"

"Go fish."

"Chi'." Sasuke grudgingly drew another card from the top of the deck. The King of Spades.

"Do you have any Kings?" Itachi asked, his voice confident.

Sasuke growled and wordlessly threw the card he'd just drawn in Itachi's direction. The man neatly snatched the card out of the air added it to the other he had, then set the pair aside.

Itachi smirked at him, "Do you have any spades?"

Sasuke looked down at the card in his card, the Joker, and opened his mouth to deny, but stopped as a hand touched his arm.

Sakura stood beside him, smiling.

"Here Sasuke, use this." She tightened her hand on his arm in what was probably supposed to be a comforting gesture and placed a card into his hand. The seven of spades.

Sasuke stared at the card.

"Well," Itachi asked again, "do you have any spades?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he pulled the card Sakura had given him from his hand and threw it at Itachi. Again the man nimbly caught it and added it to his pile of pairs.

"Do you have any fives?"

"Go fish!" Sasuke said; his voice laced slightly with triumph. And Itachi laughed.

"Do you still think you can beat me? Do you think you're good enough? You _can't_ do it. It's impossible for you."

"It is not!" The reply wasn't Sasuke's. Sasuke turned in his chair and watched as Naruto moved away from where he'd been leaning against the wall and leaned over the back of Sasuke's chair, rested a hand comfortably on his shoulder and glared at Itachi as he pushed a card into Sasuke's hand. "Sasuke can beat _you_. You're _nothing_." Naruto said firmly.

Sasuke looked down at the new card in his hand then back up at Itachi, his gaze steady. "Do you have a six?"

Itachi's façade of calmness broke slightly and he glared, selecting a card from his hand and passing it along the table.

Sasuke smirked and took the card, placing them to the side then aimed a challenging glare at his brother.

"My last card, Anaki. Then I win."

"You _can't_ win."

Sasuke examined his final card for a moment then smirked with confidence. He could win; "Do you have any tens?"

Itachi frowned and then glared, his mouth working but no sound emerging.

Sasuke's smirk grew wider, "Well, _Anaki_? _Do_ you?"

Itachi growled and suddenly ripped a card from his hand and slammed it on the table in front of Sasuke. Sasuke carefully picked it up and, keeping eye contact with his brother, placed the pair of tens to the side and held up his empty hands.

"I win."

:_Sasuke-kun_?:

"See! I told you you'd beat him!" Naruto slapped Sasuke on the shoulder grinning.

:_Sasuke-kun?!_:

Sasuke turned in his chair to look at his teammates, but they seemed to be swimming in and out of his vision.

:_Sasuke-kun, wake up._:

"Huh?"

"Sasuke-kun, it's time to wake up."

Sasuke peeled his eyes open and stared up at where Sakura was leaning over him. Behind her, Ino watched with an amused expression, "Good Morning!" she chirped as soon as she noticed Sasuke's eyes landing on her.

Sasuke groaned. What a weird dream.

"Sasuke-kun, are you okay?" Sakura asked in concern.

Sasuke passed a hand over his face and slowly sat up. "I'm fine, just a strange dream." He said and stifled a yawn.

"Really?" Ino stepped over to stand beside Sakura and looked down at Sasuke with interest, "What kind of dream? What happened?"

"Dreams? I had a weird dream last night!" Sasuke looked passed the two girls and glared as Konoha's number one loudest ninja joined them. "I was laying on the beach and suddenly a giant whale came up to me and asked me for my phone number and so I gave it to him cause I figured, 'well, it's a whale' but he turned into a giant ice cream and even though I kept saying 'hey that's my ice cream', Sakura ate him."

"Errr…" Sakura was first to break the following silence, "That's…errr…"

"Interesting." Ino finished for her, slightly more enthusiastically. "Dreams can sometimes be really strange but they always mean something."

Naruto looked at her blankly, "You mean I should watch out for giant whale/ice cream's cause Sakura might eat them?"

"I would not!" Sakura began but was drowned out by Ino.

"No. I'll show you, I have a book…" quickly she crossed the tiny clearing they had spent the night in and rummaged around in her pack for a moment. "A-huh!"

Coming back she flopped down into a cross-legged position and flipped her book open. "Well first there was a beach, right?" she flipped a few pages, "That symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind." She looked up at Naruto's blank expression. "The _sand_ is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the _water_ signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself."

"…Oh."

"Next a whale…Hmmm…it indicates a relationship or project that is too big for you to handle." She moved on, "Being asked for your phone number means that you feel like someone is trying to get through to, or talk to you and that maybe you have to give them the opportunity to do so."

"Huh?"

"Aaaaand…to see or eat ice cream in your dream represents pleasure and satisfaction with your life and love. I guess seeing Sakura eat it means you think she's stealing it from you."

Naruto blushed, "_What?!_ I do _not_!"

"I'm just interpreting the dream, Naruto." Ino said and shut the book.

"Well you're wrong, do it again!"

"I can't do it _again_, it'll mean the exact same thing!"

"Ye-yeah…Well what did _Sasuke's_ mean?!" Naruto demanded.

"He hasn't told us his dream yet."

Naruto spun on Sasuke and glared, "Well?!"

Sasuke smirked, "Why should I tell you?"

Naruto glared, "What? Afraid we'll find out some sordid secrets?" he taunted.

Sasuke's smirk turned into a deadly glare in seconds. "Don't be ridiculous. It was just a dream."

"So what was it then?" Naruto glared back, "If it's so unimportant it shouldn't matter if you tell us."

"Fine!" Sasuke snapped and then paused. Was it such a good idea? But what did it matter, it _was_ just a dream, and it would make the others leave him alone.

"I was playing cards, Go Fish," he said slowly, "against…an enemy."

"Card games…" Ino repeated slowly, finding it in her book, "That means you've used skills of bluff, strategy and timing successfully in everyday life, probably the mission we were just on, and to see an enemy indicates something that you are in denial about or someone whom you are rejecting."

Sasuke blinked. Someone he was in denial about?

"What else?" Ino asked.

"We played the entire game out…it seemed to focus on the cards a lot."

"The cards?" Ino nodded, "Cards can be really important, generations of people use them to tell fortunes." She declared, "What were they?"

Sasuke ran his hand through his hair in thought. "I started out with an Ace in my hand…"

"That represents individuality, solitude, leadership and a will to win. It probably represents you."

"Oh…After that was a two."

"That represents either double weakness, or double strength."

"Double…?"

Ino shrugged, "After that?"

"A Jack."

"Seeking balance." Ino replied after a moment.

"…Then a Joker card."

"A Joker?" Ino blinked and looked through some more pages, "It represents silly or insignificant things that distract you from the things that really _are_ important."

"Hn…After that was a King."

"Power and control." She replied promptly only having to glance further down the page.

"He asked for spades after that." Sasuke stated.

"Spades?" Ino looked up at him.

"Yes."

"Errr…well here it says that means that troubling times are ahead…"

"I didn't have any." Sasuke said raising an eyebrow, "But Sakura appeared in the dream and put one in my hand. A seven."

"Oh." Ino glanced at Sakura with an unreadable expression then looked back at her book, "A seven represents mental perfection and high spirituality."

"After that was a five."

"That's a link between heaven and earth. Usually the meeting of spirit and the physical."

"Hn."

Ino waited a moment then glanced up. "Any others?"

"…Yes."

"And they were…?"

Sasuke glared, "My enemy taunted me, saying I couldn't beat him…then…_Naruto_ showed up and put a card in my hand. A six."

"You had a _dream_ about me?" Naruto exclaimed.

"Not _about_ you, dobe!" Sasuke snapped, "You were just _in_ it."

Naruto sniggered and Ino read off the meaning.

"A six represents cooperation, balance, perfection, warmth and love."

Sasuke's glare grew fiercer while Naruto's laughter got louder. Sasuke ignored him.

"The last card was a ten."

"A ten means closure, great strength and gains." Ino said.

"I won." Sasuke stated, as if that explained it all.

"To dream that you win at something signifies triumph and success."

"Hn. Fine." Sasuke said, trying to block out Naruto's not-so-subtle laughing, "If that's done with can we get moving?"

Ino blinked, "Of course."

They had been on a mission to gather information and were now on their way home. They were nearly a full day away from Konoha now, and had chosen to rest for the night in a small clearing before moving onwards.

"Ahhh! That reminds me!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed as Sasuke pulled himself out from under his travel blanket, made another half-hearted attempt to get his hair out of his eyes and then shoved the blanket in his pack. "I was just out scouting around and there are some strange tracks."

"What kind of strange tracks?" Sasuke looked up at Naruto sharply.

"Well…kind of like we were being watched all night by someone." Naruto said, scratching his head.

"_What_?!" All three of his audience exclaimed and Naruto stepped back slightly.

"Show me!" Sasuke demanded and stood up, "But you two." He glanced quickly at Ino and Sakura, "Get moving. If we're being followed we'll stand a better chance of getting the information we gathered back to the Hokage if we split up."

"Right!" Ino said and began to quickly gather her things.

"But, Sasuke-kun…" Sakura paused and stared at Sasuke as if she were trying to figure out a way to stay with him.

Sasuke interrupted her quickly, "You two will travel faster together. We'll meet back at the village." He turned back to Naruto, "Show me the tracks!"

"Sheesh, keep your pants on." Naruto grumbled and led Sasuke into the forest.

--

_This_ was all Naruto's fault.

"_This_ is all _your_ fault." Sasuke said, repeating his thoughts aloud.

"_My_ fault?!" Naruto protested and turned slightly to match the glare Sasuke was directing at him, "How is it _my_ fault?! I didn't do _any_thing!"

"You got us lost." Sasuke said, pushing himself away from where he had been examining the mark they had left on a tree barely an hour before.

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and redirected his glare in to the forest. "I did _not_."

"You did. I should have known better than to follow you…dobe."

Naruto turned his head sharply, glaring at the raven-haired boy. "Don't _call me that!_ Bastard!"

Sasuke stood up straight and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Hn. Baka."

"TEME!" Naruto lunged at Sasuke, his hand drawn back to punch the other boy…then staggered as the world suddenly lit up around him.

Dazzled, Naruto put a foot down wrong and, as a rolling beat of thunder shook the ground beneath him, making the air seem to vibrate even before the crashing sound descended on them, his momentum carried him forward, his arms wind-milling wildly as he tried to keep his feet beneath him, and he crashed into Sasuke. Instinctively, Sasuke put his arms around Naruto to keep him from falling, grunting as the boy's full weight landed against him almost bowling him over.

And then it began to rain.

Around them the sky lit up again, half blinding them, and instantly thunder followed. Within seconds the rain crashing down on them had plastered their clothing to them like a second skin and they were chilled to the bone.

Great. Just great.

"_This_," Sasuke leaned down slightly and shouted at Naruto over the noise of the storm they were suddenly in the middle of, "is all _your fault_!"

"**_Teme!_**" Naruto did a good job of being heard over the rain, "_I told you it isn't_!"

Sasuke turned his head away and attempted to see in a world that was darkening around him rapidly (from the storm and because night was rapidly approaching) and caught a brief flicker of light out of the corner of his eye.

Shifting his grip on Naruto so he had the boy by the shoulders, he turned him in the right direction.

"Do you see that light?"

"What damned light?!" Naruto bit back.

Sasuke shook Naruto slightly and pointed, "_That_ damned light!"

Naruto was silent for a minute, "Of course I see the damned light! Why the hell are we staying here, lets go!"

It was all Sasuke could do to keep a hold on Naruto's arm so he wouldn't lose the idiot in the midst of the storm as the boy shot off through the trees towards the flickering glow in the distance.

Behind them a shadow detached itself from the trees and watched as they hurried through the rain.

"_No._" The shadow whispered, mostly to himself since the trees around him weren't listening, "Stay _away_ from the light! Stay **_away_ **from the li-…to late."

The shadow melted back into the trees.

--

There was a hut.

It had a sign.

The sign said: Abandoned Cabin - Your Home Away From Home.

Naruto read the sign on the door quickly before flinging said door open and barging into the cabin.

With a brief, curious look at the sign, Sasuke followed him in and shut the door behind him; effectively shutting the wind, rain, thunder, lighting, wetness, coldness, the deafening sound and a little puppy dog that had been trailing them for hours outside.

Sasuke paused in the doorway and looked around the room while he dripped onto the 'Welcome' mat.

Bed, table, a fireplace that probably worked, a rocking chair; and a window. As far as Sasuke could tell the cabin was just one large room, or at least he figured it was since the only door was behind him.

"Stop standing in the doorway, asshole. You're making the place look untidy." Naruto grouched from where he was sitting comfortably at the table, his hands wrapped securely around a pair of chopsticks and a steaming bowl of ramen.

Sasuke grunted noncommittally and walked over to join the blonde, taking the seat across from him, "At least I didn't track water halfway across the floor." He said and picked up the chopsticks beside his own bowl of ramen and began eating, the warm food heating him from the inside out.

"S'up hup, affull!" Naruto exclaimed around a mouthful of ramen and Sasuke glared, moving his own bowl out of the way of the half masticated ramen that flew from Naruto's mouth as he attempted to speak.

They finished their meal in relative silence; if you didn't count the nearly constant crashes of thunder from the storm outside, and were soon making themselves comfortable in front of the roaring fire that was crackling merrily in the cabin's fireplace. Or Naruto, at least, was making himself comfortable. Sasuke was stripping.

"Oi, what the hell are you doing?" Naruto asked, slightly nervous, as Sasuke dumped his soaked shirt in the corner near the rocking chair, kicked his shoes off, threw his weapons down and then began to unbutton his shorts.

"Taking my clothes off, dobe." Sasuke answered and kicked the shorts into the same pile as the rest of his wet clothes. He turned and glared at Naruto, his wet and completely naked body shining slightly in the firelight. "Take your clothes off." He commanded.

Naruto blinked. Naruto shook his head slightly to dislodge any water that might have been stuck in his ears and then looked at Sasuke again, his eyes searching slightly for a safe place to look before settling on the empty air slightly behind the black-haired boy's left shoulder.

"What?"

Sasuke glared at him in irritation, "Take your clothes off." He repeated. "Now."

"What the _hell_?! No _way_!"

Sasuke glared, put his hands on his hips and tried to be reasonable, "Take your clothes off, now."

"No!"

Sasuke's glare grew, if possible, fiercer. He began to walk towards Naruto and he tried 'Naruto terms'. "Take off, your clothes, now!"

"_No_!" Naruto was now scrambling, ineffectively, backwards; half tripping on his hands, which kept getting tangled in the soft fur rug under him. "Stay away from me!"

Sasuke stopped walking, "Take them off now, or I'll take them off _for_ you." If all else failed there was always room for an ultimatum.

Outside the wind howled, got a response from a wolf pack a few miles to the south and struck up an interesting conversation about a mutual acquaintance from another country.

A shadow moved.

Out from under the trees.

And crept, ever so quietly (as if anything could be heard over the sound of the wind) over to the window of the cabin.

It took a quick glance inside and then dodged back to flatten itself against the side of the building.

It paused.

And then looked again.

"!!?"

"_Ahhh!! Get off! Pervert! Hentai! Ecchi! Ero-asshole! Aahhhhh!!_"

Sasuke hurled Naruto's weapons across the room to join the soaked jacket, sodden black t-shirt and filthy pair of shoes he'd already managed to divest Naruto of.

"This is your own fault." Sasuke snapped and pinned Naruto's arms down on either side of his head and then began to work at the tie on the blonde's pants.

Naruto twisted, attempting to either get his hands free or buck Sasuke off of him; he failed to do either.

"Stop squirming, baka!" Sasuke managed to get the tie free of its knot and yanked Naruto's pants down and off, throwing them to join the rest of his clothing across the room.

"Oh my god, you striped me naked!!" Naruto yelled incredulously as Sasuke suddenly released his hands and then grabbed his arm, yanking him up into a sitting position.

Sasuke barely spared him a scornful look before grabbing the single blanket that lay folded up nearby and flung it around both of their shoulders.

"If you'd have stayed in wet clothes you'd catch a _cold_. Idiot."

"Oh." Naruto relaxed suddenly and leaned in closer to Sasuke, closing his eyes. "That's okay then."

Sasuke blushed.

"Mmmm…" Naruto snuggled slightly closer to Sasuke's side, "You're warm." He mumbled.

_And you're naked!_ Sasuke thought back. Loudly. Somehow, during the entire 'strip Naruto naked' thing, he'd missed that implication.

Sasuke stayed stock still, his muscles getting tenser and tenser as their suddenly quiet (except for the storm out the window) time in front of the fire increased.

It took nearly fifteen full minutes, but Sasuke finally cracked, falling backwards suddenly and clutching at his left thigh.

"What the _hell_?" Naruto demanded as the blanket was ripped from around his shoulders as Sasuke fell.

Sasuke grit his teeth, "Cramp." He ground out and massaged his leg as if his life depended on it.

"Why didn't you say so!?" Naruto snapped and stood up and, in all his radiantly naked glory, stalked across the room and grabbed the two pillows off the bed and stalked back to the fire throwing one of the pillows at Sasuke. "This one's yours."

Sasuke had enough time to see his name stitched elegantly into the fabric, next too an equally elegant rendering of the Uchiha clan symbol, before the pillow slammed into his face.

He left off massaging his thigh (since it had stopped hurting there wasn't really a point to continuing) and sat up, pulling the pillow out of his lap and putting it onto the floor. Naruto had laid his down already and was half reclining on it, glaring at Sasuke.

"Are you planning on sharing that blanket again?" he demanded.

Sasuke glared back but still moved his own pillow so it was alongside Naruto's and moved so he could drape it over the both of them.

Naruto was staring at him oddly, his eyes seeming to wobble in the firelight.

"Sasuke." The wobble effect grew more intense. "I'm still cold."

"So?"

_Wobble, wobble, wobble._

"Hold me?"

_Wobble_.

"Fine." Almost completely entranced by the wobble effect, Sasuke moved closer to Naruto and wrapped his arms around the blonde; then closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him.

------------

Interlude

------------

It was a dark and stormy night, or so the Ninja's say, the lightning striking constantly transformed the night to day; the thunder roared the cabin round, or thustly goes the tale, and rising from a tree nearby there came a fearful wail.

It was no beast nor banshee, that the cabin folk knew well, nor wildlife in agony, nor demon trapped by spell; no ghost that moaned in penance nor a soul in mortal fright; 'twas just Itachi singing for he practised every night.

Itachi was convinced that he should have been born a bard, and thus he made the lives of those within his family hard, for they must listen to him sing and smile at what they heard, and swear he had a golden voice that rivalled any bird.

Itachi was convinced that becoming a bard was his fate and so his friends and family he began to hate, 'cause while they listened derisively to his every song, he suffered silent there abuse, was blamed for every wrong.

It was a dark and stormy night, or so I have heard, and so perhaps that was the reason why there was no stir when suddenly the music ceased…

----------------------

Interlude End 

---------------------

/creak/

/creak, creak/

/creak, creak, creak/

The rocking chair in the corner of the cabin rocked backwards and forwards gently.

The chair was shrouded in shadow.

The shadow was sewing.

/creak, click, creak, click, click, creak/

No, wait. The shadow was knitting; the sewing had been completed earlier and was resting in a neatly folded pile beside the chair.

The chair continued to make the faint creaking sound, followed by the clicking sound, and mixed in amongst it, barely heard over the sounds of the chair, the knitting needles and, of course, the storm still raging outside, was a voice…a voice that was saying something deep, profound and meaningful.

"Knit one…pearl two…knit four…peal eight…" The shadow began to giggle.

--

Sasuke woke the next morning to a light kick in the side; his eyes snapped open immediately and he found himself staring up at Naruto. Fully dressed.

"Get up, asshole." Naruto stretched slightly and stepped away from Sasuke now that he was satisfied that he was awake, heading for the door, "Sun came up ages ago, the storm stopped and we can get back to the village today."

Sasuke sat up slowly as Naruto pulled the door open and stepped outside, and then, clutching his blanket around him, his cheeks tinged with red as he pointedly didn't remember a single thing that had happened the night before, he walked over to where his clothing was sitting in a neatly folded pile and pulled them on.

In barely a minute he was outside, pulling the door of the abandoned cabin shut behind him, and walked over to an impatiently waiting Naruto.

"Come on." Naruto whined, "Let's go!"

They went.

The trip through the soggy forest was short and direct, their path that had seemed winding, twisting and impossible the night before was now clear and straight. They made it back to the village within a couple of slightly embarrassed, silent hours.

Sasuke was never so glad to see the place in his life. Now he could go home, shower, change and completely forget about what he had pointedly forgotten had happened the night before even though he didn't know it had happened because he'd pointedly forgotten it.

He stepped through the gates with determination.

"Sasuke-kuuuuuuun!!!!!" Sasuke stopped walking at the sound of the twin voices and he flinched. He could _hear_ the exclamation marks.

"Your fan club is here." Naruto said from where he stood beside Sasuke, his voice tinged with displeasure.

Sakura and Ino arrived before Naruto could even finish talking.

"Sasuke-kun! We were so worried!" Sakura began.

"What happened to you?!" Ino continued.

"Why didn't you come back last night?"

"Was there something following us?"

"Did you find somewhere out of the storm?"

"Are you ill?"

"Have you seen my puppy?"

"Did you…" Ino paused. "You have a puppy?"

"Didn't I tell you?"

"I don't think so?"

"Didn't you see him?"

"No. Where was he?"

"I brought him with us." She continued her line of questioning. "So have you seen my puppy?"

"_Have_ you seen her puppy? …Was it a cute puppy?"

"Yes. He had big blue eyes, floppy ears, fuzzy fur, cute widdle wegs, and he was just _adorable_. Are you sure you didn't see him?"

"Are you sure you brought him with us?"

"Err…" Sakura shrugged, "Sasuke-kun?"

Ino turned her gaze back to Sasuke, "Are you alright?"

"You look a little flushed, did you come down with something?"

"Did you end up spending the night in that storm?"

"I bet you did!" Sakura turned to the previously overlooked blonde boy, "You led him around in circles so he'd get caught in the storm, didn't you?"

"I…!" Naruto tried to interject angrily.

"Naruto! If Sasuke-kun dies it'll be your fault, won't it?!"

"It…!"

"Naruto, how _could_ you?!"

"I…!"

"Do you need us to sort him out for you, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hey…!"

Sasuke stopped listening to the incessant chatter and turned away, glaring. If they didn't shut up in ten seconds, he was leaving.

"…Sasuke-kun, did something weird happen between you and Naruto last night?"

Sasuke's back went ramrod straight and his hands curled into fists. No, nothing weird happened between he and Naruto last night because he'd forgotten; he'd _most definitely_ forgotten.

"No." Sasuke said evenly. He hoped it was evenly. _Was_ it evenly? "Why do you ask?" Was it tattooed on his forehead? Had he been acting strangely around Naruto? If he had, how could they tell through all their chatter?

"…Bastard." Naruto broke into the slightly too long silence. "It's stitched into the back of your shirt."

-

A Shadow moved.

Three steps left… 

The Shadow took three steps left.

Two steps right… 

The Shadow took two steps right.

Left leg forward… 

The Shadow's left leg was extended.

Left leg back… The Shadow's left leg moved back behind him. Left leg forward again… 

The Shadow's left leg was extended. Again.

Shake… 

The Shadow's left leg began to shake.

Turn… 

The Shadow spun slowly on the spot and then, jutsu completed, began to walk forward. Around The Shadow the wind began to stir.

-

"…My shirt?"

"Yes, your shirt."

Sasuke directed his gaze to Ino and Sakura, his eyebrow raised in inquiry.

They both nodded.

"It's written…on my _shirt_?" He said again; slightly incredulous.

"Yes, on the shirt." Naruto said impatiently, "Why don't you just _look_?"

Sasuke pinned Naruto with a glare. _Because I don't have anything on under it!_ "Hn."

"Oh just take it off and _look_!" Naruto snapped and marched over to Sasuke, grabbing the bottom of the shirt and yanking _upwards_ before the black haired boy could stop him.

-

The Shadow crept through the streets, across the rooftops, passed a small, anonymous puppy and then slunk around a corner. It flattened itself against a wall and listened hard.

"Yes, on the shirt. Why don't you just _look_?"

"Hn"

"Oh just take it off and _look_!"

The Shadow looked around the corner quickly and then dodged back, just as quick.

It paused.

And then looked again.

"!!?"

-

"Damnit! Stop struggling!"

"Get the hell off me!"

"Naruto! Get off Sasuke-kun!"

"Naruto no hentai!!!!"

"I AM NOT!!"

"Then stop trying to molest Sasuke-kun in the middle of the street!"

"I'm trying to show him his damned _shirt_!" Naruto retorted, as the colour on his face fought between being bright pink in embarrassment and purple-red with anger.

"Get the _hell off me_!!" Sasuke interjected from where he was half tangled in his shirt, his arms bound above his head and his vision completely impaired by the fact that his shirt was covering his entire face.

"You shut u-!" Naruto began to retort be stopped as a breeze suddenly brushed against his face.

Around them the wind began to pick up and within seconds they were barely standing upright, as it seemed a full gale was ripping passed them. Naruto gripped Sasuke tightly around the waist as they braced themselves against the wind.

And then it slackened.

And a shadow…no The Shadow detached itself from the wall and stepped into the middle of the road. The breeze fluttered around him, ruffling his clothes, his hair, his entire aura. He was handsome, he was mysterious, he was dangerous.

He was no longer a…The Shadow.

He was Uchiha. Uchiha Itachi.

He smirked.

"Run, you fool's!"

Sasuke immediately started struggling in the bindings of his shirt, "Itachi?" he struggled harder, "Itachi you bastard!"

Itachi blinked and his eyes pinned to the struggling form of his younger brother. He paused.

"Uhmmm…"

Naruto's eyes narrowed, "Who are you?!" he demanded and Itachi's gaze moved to him. His eyes seemed suddenly to sparkle.

"When asking someone's name, it's proper to offer your own first." He said mildly.

"Don't talk to him!" Sasuke had managed to get his shirt far enough out of his way that he could see with one eye, "Damn you, aniki!"

Itachi ignored his brother and continued to watch Naruto.

Naruto twitched uncomfortably. "Uzumaki Naruto." He said finally, "errr…Hello. Now, who the hell _ar-_?!"

"**_Stop_**!" Itachi suddenly exclaimed and swooped the short distance to Naruto, grabbing both his hands and pulling them to his chest. "You don't need to go on…" his eyes sparkled, "You had me at 'hello'."

Sasuke had had enough. Giving up on attempting to free himself from the killer shirt he simply threw himself at his brother, knocking them both to the ground in a tangle.

"Sasuke!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Argh!"

"Bastard!"

"Get off!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"_Teme!_"

"Itai!"

"Arghughughuuu"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"What the hell are you doing to Sasuke?!"

There was a high-pitched shriek followed by sudden silence.

There was a faint, pain filled gurgling sound.

Sasuke staggered to his feet and Naruto absently yanked the surprisingly undamaged shirt down, freeing Sasuke's arms. Sasuke glared down at his brother who was attempting to stagger to his own feet, his breathing laboured.

"You…bastard…you…kneed me…in the...balls…"

Sasuke smirked.

Naruto jabbed him in the side. "Who the hell _is_ he?!"

"Older…brother…" Itachi wheezed out from where he leaned against a wall, clutching his privates.

Naruto's mouth opened in shock, but Sasuke barely noticed. The black-haired boy lifted an arm and pointed at Itachi dramatically.

"I'll kill you!!" he yelled and moved to cover the distance between he and his brother but stopped short suddenly as Itachi wildly held up a hand.

"_Wait_!"

Sasuke glared.

"I have something to tell you, before we fight! It's important!"

Sasuke glared.

"Very important. I have to tell you."

Sasuke glared.

"Before we fight."

Sasuke glared.

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke waited.

"I am you father."

Sasuke…

Sasuke…

Sasuke…

"What the _fuck_?!"

Itachi blinked.

"Oh…that wasn't right. I didn't mean that. I meant I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

He paused.

Sasuke stared at him.

Naruto stared at him.

Ino stared at him.

Sakura stared at him.

The puppy stared at him.

"I wasn't loved as a child." He stated.

Sasuke twitched. "What?"

"They never loved me. I was nothing but the future heir to the Uchiha throne. I was to take over the kingdom and rule with my princess by my side. But I learnt to accept it, my fate. I knew my duties; I knew what I had to do. But then, Sasuke, you were born. That's when I realised, I was _never_ loved." Tears began to well up in Itachi's eyes as his focus became distant, staring at old memories, "Our parents loved you. You were the light of their lives and all I could do was watch, watch and envy and wish that I could have what they gave you so freely. I tried so hard to please them, but always they rejected me and sternly insisted I focus on my duties." Itachi suddenly looked at Sasuke, holding out a hand towards him, "But I never blamed you! My cute younger brother, my otouto. So sweet, so innocent, so pure; I could never blame you. As you brought light into our parent's lives, you brought light into mine. I was…happy when you were around.

"That's why…I couldn't hurt you. I know what I did was wrong, I knew it then as I know it now – but they never loved me. Why should they live happily, causing me misery? Why did I have to suffer at their expense? We were better off without them! I would never have hurt you! I wanted to make you strong! Because….because…."

Itachi fell to his knees, tears of woe tracking silver trails of salty wetness down each of his perfect cheeks. "Sasuke…Sasuke, my brother…please forgive me!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Itachi…" Sasuke's voice was low, the name half whispered. "I…I never knew…I…" Sasuke suddenly threw himself to the ground beside his brother, hugging him tightly, "Of _course_ I forgive you!" behind them the sun suddenly shone brightly, backlighting them, "Now let's go home!"

Itachi hugged his younger brother tightly and then, eyes only for each other, they stood and walked off down the street, leaving their forgotten audience behind.

The puppy followed.

Ende 

Ende Author Notes: This was written by two people.

…I was told not to write that.

This fik is a collaborative work of my sister and me. I am Vanyel-san; she is Justice-hime. We command respect. Down on your knees and review, mere mortals!


	2. The chapter that comes after the one tha...

**A/N: ****For all of you who didn't figure out what was written on Sasuke's shirt in the first chapter (though we, personally, thought it was rather obvious) we'll give you a hint; pay very, _very_ close attention to what Sakura asks him.**

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**_Warnings for this individual chapter:_** Het. Incest. Lime.

****

****

****

**The chapter that comes after the chapter that came before it**:

Naruto walked boldly into the woman's clothing store and looked around him; racks upon racks of dresses, skirts, blouses, bras and other frilly articles greeted his calculating gaze.

A sales assistant rushed over. "Can I help you?" she said suspiciously.

"I need clothes." Naruto said, grinning, "An outfit."

She nodded, "For your girlfriend? What sizes?"

"Oh no!" Naruto said and put his hands behind his head, "For me."

"For…you?" Her suspicious look had come back.

"Yeah." Naruto preformed a few hand sigils and suddenly transformed into his Sexy no Jutsu form. "I have a mission, need clothing." He explained.

The sales assistant had turned frosty, "Of course. This way."

Ten minutes later, Naruto emerged from the shop, dressed in his normal black mesh T-shirt with a new light orange tank top over it that had 'N.A.R.U.T.O' in bold letters across the front, and a fairly normal pair of blue jeans. He turned on the spot and took off at a blind run, heading for the gates to leave for his mission….

…And slammed straight into someone, ending up being knocked flat to the ground.

"You jerk! Watch where you're going!" Naruto yelled, and rubbed his aching butt.

"Sorry."

Naruto's head jerked up at the familiar voice. Oh no! It was Sasuke!

"Are you alright?" Sasuke reached a hand down to help Naruto up.

Naruto blinked at it.

Why would Sasuke…?

…Unless Sasuke didn't recognise him!

At this moment Naruto went through a form of rapid calculation. I'll try and describe it.

Sasuke knocked Naruto over (plus) Sasuke not realising it was Naruto he'd knocked over (plus) Naruto being in girl form (plus) Sasuke being polite (equals) FREE RAMEN!

Naruto turned on the water works.

"These clothes are new, you jerk!" He wailed, "You've ruined them! I saved up for days, neglecting even such basic needs as food to get them and you've ruined them." He made his eyes go as wide as possible and pouted at Sasuke cutely, "What are you going to _do_ about it?!"

"Uhmmm…" Sasuke looked slightly out of his depth.

"Buy me ramen and I'll forgive you." Naruto stated.

"Ahhh…ahhh…"

Naruto buried his face in his hands, "You're a jerk!!" he wailed, his loudness beginning to attract a crowd of people who were giving Sasuke the dirtiest looks. They were looks that said: 'You horrible boy, whatever you did, how could you do it to such a cute little girl? Beast.'

Sasuke pulled the girl up by her arms, "Fine! Fine! I'll buy you ramen, just don't cry any more, okay?"

"Okay!" the girl bounced onto her feet completely, grinning. Sasuke suddenly couldn't breath; the girl was beautiful.

"Well come on then!" The girl grabbed Sasuke by the hand and began to pull him down the street, "Let's get some ramen!"

"Yeah…ramen…right…" Sasuke managed to say. Then: "What's your name?"

"Name?" the girl froze and Sasuke nearly walked into her, "Uzumaki…uhmmm…" she trailed off in a gurgle, "err…uhm…ehh… Sakura?"

"Uzumaki Sakura?" Sasuke asked, lifting an eyebrow and looking at the girl intently.

"Yes! I mean, No! Well, Yes…I guess…"

Sasuke looked her up and down, taking in the long blonde hair, the whisker marks and the T-shirt that proudly declared 'N.A.R.U.T.O'. He nodded in understanding.

"You're somehow related to that idiot Naruto and you don't want to tell people about it. Understood." he paused then added, "You have a nice name."

'Sakura' sweat dropped slightly then grabbed hold of Sasuke's hand again, "Right. Thank you. So now you have to buy me ramen."

"Of course." Sasuke smiled at her slightly and then found himself being dragged through the streets again, towards what he remembered to be Naruto's favourite Ramen booth.

_This poor girl_, he thought to himself, _being related to Naruto…_

-

The Shadow strode down the street purposefully…

Err…no wait. Sorry, my mistake – I'll start again.

Itachi strode down the street purposefully, his robe billowing out behind him as he moved. He was searching for something. Something pure, something deep…something meaningful.

…He'd settle for someone who knew where the hell he was.

A random villager, fairly nondescript, walked passed Itachi.

_Tried_ to walk passed Itachi. He got within about two feet of the dark haired man and suddenly found himself slammed up against a wall, a pair of blood red eyes two-inches from his nose.

"Where is Fuurukin High school!?" Itachi exclaimed.

"Fuurukin? Wha…? I don't…" The Random, nondescript and only here for the sake of the plot villager managed to choke out; he was having a tough time talking, what with the hand around his throat and all.

Itachi blinked. "Oh, I am sorry. I meant 'Where can I find Uzumaki Naruto?" he said politely, "And on that note, what is his favourite colour? Where does he eat? _What_ does he eat? Do you know him? Where does he spend his time? Well? Do you know? _Answer me!_"

The random, here for the sake of plot, nondescript villager gurgled low in this throat and contemplated his immanent death. It was okay, he'd led a good life – not too long, not too eventful; it had been a comfortable life and well, maybe it was just his time to die.

Itachi suddenly released his grip.

_Life! _The rather nondescript, completely random, plot motivated villager took it all back! He didn't want to die! He was _glad_ he wasn't going to die!

Stumbling to his feet he uttered everything he could think of about one Uzumaki Naruto: "Wears orange a lot, lives in the south end, eats ramen all the time, really loud and annoying, always hangs around with that Uchiha boy." He waited.

Itachi stared at the man for a moment and then smiled, his eyes sparkling. "You may go."

The random, nondescript, plot-ish Villager (who for the purposes of this final line we shall call 'John') left; running as fast as his legs would take him.

-

Sasuke stared at the girl to his left: Uzumaki Sakura. She was beautiful, even if she was shovelling her ramen into her face at an alarming rate of speed. A small smile graced his lips as he continued to watch her, his own ramen forgotten. He was in love.

-

The Shadow mark II carefully Tiptoed Through The Tulips and then, pulling out a map, silently navigated its way across A Bridge Over Troubled Water. The Shadow mark II nearly felt as if it was Walking Five-hundred Miles (or To The Moon And Back), but eventually the bridge was successfully navigated and it refolded its map, put it in its pocket and then peered around itself. It spied with its little eye something beginning with T.

Yep, you guessed it, a two-ton gorilla. Luckily, it was asleep.

Carefully, _very_ carefully, The Shadow mark II moved silently around the sleeping beast, cautious not to step on anything that would awaken the giant beast.

Carefully.

_Carefully_.

/CRACK!/ An obscenely dry twig snapped under one carefully placed foot.

Oops.

The Shadow mark II ran for its life.

-

Naruto looked up from his fourth bowl of ramen to find Sasuke staring at him. Again.

Now he would be the first to admit that with that half entranced, half enraptured, totally smitten look on his face Sasuke looked cute…but the constant attention was beginning to make Naruto's nerves stand on end.

Maybe he should leave?

He squirmed in his seat as he finished his twelfth bowl of Ramen, lost in indecision. Sasuke staring verses more Ramen; it was a hard battle but eventually one thing tipped the scales and forced him to make a decision.

He leapt to his feet.

"Ahhh!! I FORGOT ABOUT MY MISSION!!" He exclaimed and turned, sprinting down the street. A block later he was grabbed by the arm and turned swiftly to face Sasuke. Naruto blinked at him in annoyance.

"Lemme go! I've got a mission to do!"

Sasuke nodded, "I just wanted to make sure I could see you again." He said earnestly.

"What?" Naruto said distractedly, attempting to pry Sasuke's fingers off of his arm, "Absolutely, sure, tomorrow. I have to go _now_ though, get your hand off me."

Sasuke released his arm, "I'll be waiting." He said and disappeared.

Naruto blinked for a moment then carried on his way out of the village, muttering to himself as he went. "Weirdo."

-

The Shadow crept…

No… _Itachi_ crept…

Wait…he's hiding. The Shadow crept along a narrow ledge that ran around the outside of one Uzumaki Naruto's apartment complex, carefully peering in each window as he passed them. He was searching.

What he was searching for we'll let you decide, either way he eventually found it and pulled a conveniently unlocked window open and slipped inside and courteously shut it behind him. He looked around. The thing that he'd been searching for as he peered in the windows, you know the thing, the one you thought up when we said he was searching for it, was something that undeniably said that this apartment was Naruto's. Itachi walked passed that thing you thought up and into the apartment proper, still searching for something; don't worry, this time we'll tell you what it is.

A door. Yes indeed, he was searching for a door. He had many to choose from but only one of them was the one he wanted. He bypassed the one that obviously led outside, ignored the one that led into the refrigerator, eyed the ones that opened cupboards then discarded them as 'not correct', noted the location of the door to the bathroom for future reference and then stalked stalkily to the half open bedroom door.

"Kukukukukukuku…" he laughed and stepped into the room, his eyes flitting over the discarded clothing, messy bed, posters of ramen and half closed blinds, and settled on the chest of drawers. Exactly what he'd been looking for.

"Ku-kukuku-…**kukukukukukukukuku**…" barely containing his giggles he pulled open each draw until he found the underwear.

Aaahh…heaven.

-

The evening passed. The night passed. The morning passed. Lunch approached.

Sasuke spent the entire time daydreaming about a certain Uzukmai Sakura. They'd fall in love, get married, have children, resurrect his clan and live happily ever after.

It was midmorning when he realised that Sakura hadn't told him _where_ she would meet him. He'd wandered around aimlessly for an hour or so before defaulting to the gate she had left from the day before and then he waited.

And waited.

It was just passed lunch when she finally appeared and Sasuke leapt from his seat immediately to greet her.

"Sakura-chan!"

The girl looked up from where she'd been in her own little world of thought. "What? Where? I don't see her, Sasuke-bastard!"

Sasuke paused.

The girl paused.

"…Oh! You mean _me_!" she exclaimed and rubbed the back of her head; "I forgot."

"…Your name?"

"Ah-hahahhaa…." The girl looked away from Sasuke nervously.

Sasuke kept his eyes on her intently and the girl squirmed, certain she was about to be found out any moment.

She needed have worried, Sasuke's thought pattern looked like this:

_…So pretty…fall in love…cute when nervous…get married…babies…resurrect clan…awww she's so **cute**…_

"I really like you!" Sasuke suddenly blurted out, completely out of character but he just had to get it off his chest.

Naruto started in surprise at the sound and then stared as the content of the sentence filtered through to him.

"You…you…what…?"

"I really _like_ you." Sasuke repeated.

"You like me?"

"Yes."

"You _like_ me?"

"Yes."

"You mean to say that you, Sasuke, like _me_?"

"_Yes_."

Naruto's eyes went wide. "Really?"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched slightly, "YES."

_Wow._ Naruto thought, _omghelikesme. Hereallyjustsaidhelikesme. WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo? Wait, why would he say he likes me? I'm a boy! Wait, not right now I'm not! What do I do? Maybe I… Maybe I…_

"Oh." Naruto managed to get out and blushed, staring at the ground, "Well…I sorta…likeyout-." He said. Well kind of said. He was cut off and drowned out as he got the end of his sentence by a piercing yell from a few feet away.

"_SASUKE-KUUUUUUUN!!_" Sakura bounded out of 'insert-annoying-girl-who's-always-in-the-way' space and knocked Naruto out of the way, trying to take up Sasuke's entire attention. "Sasuke-kun, do you want to have lunch with me? Maybe dinner? We could go for a walk, or go train? How about we go see a movie? I could take you skydiving. We could get on a ship and sail away, somewhere where no one would ever find us and live happily together on a deserted island and wearing nothing but palm fronds while sipping cocoanut milk!" she took a breath and suddenly noticed the annoyed figure trying to get up off the ground but who was having trouble doing that because an demented puppy had started gnawing on the back of his shirt and wouldn't let go. "Naruto, what are you doing? Leave my puppy alone!" she yelled and kicked Naruto in the side, "_Naruto!_"

"The damn thing attacked me first!" Naruto exclaimed and finally managed to get to his feet.

Sakura smacked him, "Naruto-hentai! What are you doing looking like a girl for? And around _Sasuke-kun_ too!?"

"Ow!" Naruto exclaimed and glared, "A mission! It was for a mission!"

"A mission?" Sasuke finally said from where I briefly forgot to write any text for him, "You're in girl form…for a mission?"

Naruto went white and swore, "Tilde backslash star-sign bracket dollar-sign at-sign exclamation-mark!"

Sakura went red at the harshness of the word.

"Sasuke-" Naruto began, trying to explain.

"You _betrayed_ me!" Sasuke exclaimed over top of him and pointed an accusing finger, "I feel so _used_!"

"Sasuke, I-…"

"No! No don't you say anything! You used me and my freshly budding emotions to get free ramen! I'll never forgive you!"

"Sasuke, you don't understa-."

"I thought I told you to say nothing! You've tricked me most cruelly, wounded me in a way that I may never recover. You've hurt me, Naruto! _ Hurt me!_"

Naruto was suddenly pissed off. "Fine! Don't listen to me! I wanted to explain what happened but you just won't listen! Well what I was saying was true but you don't really care, do you?! Well I've had it! I'm leaving, leaving you, leaving this village, _and I'm never coming back!!_"

Sasuke blinked in shock for a moment but only managed to take a single step forward as the figure that was Naruto disappeared back out of the village gate and off into the distance.

Oh no. What had he done?

-

Far away, very far away; no, further than that, no a few miles to the west, yeah right there in the centre of that big bit of sand, Gaara of the Sand stood staring up at the sky, his expression one of deep contemplation.

"…To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy then is to suffer but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from to much happiness." He suddenly stopped and turned to the three wide-eyes Gennin that were sitting a few feet away and staring at their new sensei in bewilderment, "I hope you're getting this down…" he said menacingly and there was a suddenly flurry as pens and paper were scrambled for.

-

He was gone.

Really _gone_.

Naruto had left and Sasuke was the one who had driven him away. How had he let it come to this? Had he really let the fact that Naruto had been in girl form blind him to his true feelings? Had he really let Naruto leave because he was so steeped in his own misery that he couldn't let the blonde explain?

Sasuke stumbled through the streets of Konoha, going blindly wherever his feet led him. He absently stepped over a pineapple lying in the centre of the road and went back to his inner musing.

…He was completely at fault. Naruto would never return and would be labelled a Missing-nin, Sasuke would be doomed to never be near his one true love and the world would end. Yes, end. Whatever would he do? How could he survive? Could be possibly go on with his life after this?

"…_and a bowl of miso chicken, old man!_"

There would be nothing but an empty void in his life where the blonde had once been; it would never be filled, Sasuke could never trust another as much as he had trusted Naruto. Perhaps he should follow the blonde, just give up everything and go on a self appointed quest to find him.

"_Aahhh…_thattasted really good!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched slightly and he looked up suddenly. Somehow his feet had taken him to Naruto's favourite Ramen stand and sitting at that stand, stretching his arms above his head was…

"_Naruto…_" Sasuke growled and in three long strides he was standing next to the blonde, yanking him from his chair and shaking him.

"This is what you call leaving forever?! It's been ten-minutes! Baka!"

Naruto allowed himself to be shaken for a moment and then something in his eyes made Sasuke stop abruptly, releasing him and taking a step back. It wasn't a look of annoyance, anger or danger that Sasuke saw in Naruto's eyes; it wasn't an unearthly quality or anything weird like that either. No. It was because Naruto's eyes were red, slitted and staring at him like a particularly tasty piece of meat that had unexpectedly, yet gladly, walked into his hands just as he had been thinking, '_mmm…hungry'_. It was a little un-nerving.

"Naruto…?" He said nervously.

Naruto licked his lips and let his eyes trail slowly up from Sasuke's feet, taking an awfully long and nerve-wracking time to get to his eyes.

"Errr…" Sasuke choked out and took another step backwards.

Naruto took a breath that somehow screamed the word 'anticipatory' and breathed a single word out in a husky voice. "_Run_."

Sasuke turned tail and fled.

He would say of himself later that he gave the Kyuubi a good race.

The Kyuubi would say later that Sasuke moved so slow it was obvious he _wanted_ to be caught – which he did. Catch him that is. The Kyuubi caught Sasuke within a block, ambushing him in a darkened alley and pushing him up against a wall, pinning his hands to said wall and tracing his tongue along Sasuke's jaw line lightly, tasting him.

"Let me go!" Sasuke ordered.

"Not yet." The Kyuubi breathed against the skin of Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke struggled in the Kyuubi's grip, "Let me go, now!"

The Kyuubi ignored Sasuke's voice and instead caught his lips in a deep kiss; nearly suffocating the black-haired boy as it went on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and…you get the picture. Sasuke gasped in giant mouthfuls of air once the Kyuubi finally released his lips, trying to ease the burning in his lungs. His eyes were slightly dazed and he had stopped struggling in the Kyuubi's grip, instead he was half melted in a puddle of Sasuke-goo against the others body.

"Do you surrender?" the Kyuubi said lowly, nuzzling at Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke struggled to think coherently, "Never, but I may scream."

"I understand, sometimes I have that effect."

Somewhere during the few words spoken, the Kyuubi had moved one of its hands from Sasuke's wrists and slipped it under his shirt instead and was now tracing the smooth skin that the shirt had hidden.

"I'll…never give in to you…" Sasuke said and began to squirm again, making a halfhearted attempt to get away.

"Good." The Kyuubi purred, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Leave…leave me alon-…" Sasuke suddenly paused and his eyes regained their focus. "How many hands do you have?"

The Kyuubi stared at Sasuke oddly, "Two, at present. It seems to be the regular amount among humans."

"One hand is still holding my arm against the wall?" Sasuke questioned.

The Kyuubi nodded slightly.

"There are two hands under my shirt." Sasuke stated.

The Kyuubi looked down and blood red demon eyes met blood red Sharingan.

Itachi withdrew his hand, stood up from where he'd been crouched and straightened his robe, "Sorry about that!"

-

Meanwhile on the other side of town in a similar darkened ally, Copy Ninja Kakashi flattened himself against the wall in the hopes it would somehow sallow him whole, for there, right in front of him blocking the only exit, was Iruka; a very determined and slightly demented looking Iruka.

"Now Kakashi," Iruka said in his best motherly voice, "this won't hurt a bit…"

Kakashi whimpered as Iruka approached and in a last ditch effort to save his dignity fell to his knees, grabbed hold of Iruka's leg, and begged.

"No, please! Anything but that! I implore you, anything but that!"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Iruka stared down at the pleading man attached to his leg. "Stand up."

"…Please Iruka, you don't understand, it could ruin me!"

"Stand. Up."

Closing his eye, Kakashi slowly stood up. "You'll never be able to look at me the same after this." He warned in a shaky voice.

Iruka ignored his warning and did the one thing he had yearned to do since he'd first met the man. He shakily slipped two fingers underneath the fabric covering Kakashi's face then, taking a deep breath, slipped it down to rest at the base of Kakashi's neck.

Silence.

Kakashi opened his eye in time to see the look of absolute disbelief on the other mans face, not to mention the fact that his right eyebrow had started to twitch. Bad sign.

"…Oh my god." Iruka choked into the almost leaden silence.

"There's a reason!" Kakashi exclaimed quickly.

"There better be." Iruka said stepping back and waiting expectantly.

Kakashi cleared his throat nervously and hedged backwards slightly till his back came up against the wall again. "Well..err… Well you see…" he cleared his throat again and took a calming breath, letting it out slowly. "It was a warm July night about seven years ago. My ANBU team had just finished a small mission and had decided to go relax in town instead of going home and we ended up getting very drunk. One think led to another and…"

**ALL THINGS WRITTEN HEREIN BE A FLASHBACK**

Kakashi slapped his best friend on the back as hard as he could and ended up falling off the back of his chair from the force of it. He started laughing. 

"Oi, Kakaaashuu…Kakakaka…Ka-Ka-shee." a pause, "Hey you...how come you're on the floor?"

_Kakashi laughed a little harder as a face appeared over his and looked down at him. "You're sideways." Kakashi grinned broadly as he was hauled to his feet and plopped ungraciously into a chair_

_"You." A finger was waved in the vicinity of Kakashi's face, nearly taking his eye out, "**You** can't handle your drink."_

_Kakashi took exception at this, "I can too."_

_"Can not."_

_"Can too!"_

_"Can not!"_

_"Can too!"_

_"Can too!"_

_"Can not!"_

_"Can't do what?" a new voice, slightly older and little less drunk enquired._

_"What?"_

_"What?"_

_"What can't you do?"_

_"Exactly!" Kakashi exclaimed. "That's what I'm saying!"_

_"What?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"…"_

_Silence._

_After a while of the three men staring drunkenly at each other, the third man finally got to the reason why he'd come over. "Kakashi, it's your turn."_

_"Great!" he paused, "For what?"_

_"Never mind, come on." Kakashi's head whirled suddenly as he found himself hauled up off of his chair and across the room. The floor passed by him at a dizzying rate and he vaguely registered passing a door before he was dumped onto a new seat, this one much more comfortable._

_"Hiya, kid." A gruff man said looking down at the boy._

_"Hi!" Kakashi greeted amiably and watched as the man who had brought him in whispered a few words to the gruff man and then sat down to watch._

_"Don't worry kid, this won't hurt a bit." The gruff man said, coming towards Kakashi._

_Kakashi nodded with exaggerated seriousness, "Good."_

**_THIS FLASHBACK IS OVER, GO FIND ANOTHER._**

"…And so that's how it happened." Kakashi finished.

"So you were drunk?"

Kakashi nodded affirmative.

Iruka stood and stared at him. "You do realise it'll be there for life, don't you?"

Again Kakashi nodded.

Iruka put a hand to his forehead and attempted to massage away the headache that had started to form there. Really…only an idiot would have allowed it to happen, Iruka thought, only a complete moron would get drunk and become a walking advertisement. He looked over at where the words 'Icha Icha Paradise' was tattooed in very precise letters across the other mans mouth. Kakashi was obviously both an idiot, and a moron.

-----

The day had gone and night had come fast and hard, knocking over a few random pedestrians and getting fruit juice everywhere. Across town in the Uchiha complex Sasuke and Itachi were talking, they had _issues_ after all and Sasuke had decided it was time to have a good long conversation and get some things straight.

"Why…?" Sasuke's voice was filled with pain as he asked Itachi the one question he'd wanted to ask him since…that day. "Why did they have to die?"

Itachi nodded slowly, "Our parents…" he said and Sasuke nodded shortly. Itachi took a deep breath, "Well… One day when my mother and father were singing together in the forest a great storm blew up out of nowhere; but so passionate was their singing that they did not notice, nor did they stop, as the rain began to fall and when their voices rose for the final bar of the duet a great bolt of lightning came out of the sky and struck my father so that he lit up like a torch, and at the same moment my father was struck dead, my mother was struck dumb. She never spoke another word…"

"Itachi…"

The older boy nodded at Sasuke encouragingly.

"Itachi…the truth…I want the truth."

Itachi's eyes shadowed, "You want the truth?"

"Yes, I want the truth."

"You want the _truth_?"

"I _deserve_ the truth!"

"You _can't handle the truth!_"

"Itachi!" Sasuke exclaimed and grabbed his brother by his shirt. "Tell me!"

Itachi looked down at the hands fisted in his shirt and then at the fierce eyes of his younger brother. "Sasuke…Sasuke…I…I'm sorry!" and with that final cry he pulled himself from his brothers grip and ran from the room in tears.

-

It was even later at night now and Sasuke was lying in bed, staring into the darkness above his bed trying to come to terms with his day. He had confessed to his love, revealed his love to be someone else, had that someone run away, had them come back except as a demon bent on seducing him, been molested by his brother and then, to top it off, reduced said brother to tears by asking about their parent's death.

He turned over in bed, perked his ears up briefly as he heard something bang in the wind and then went back to this tangled thoughts, hoping that somehow he could get to sleep.

-

The Shadow mark II crept around the edges of Konoha, dodging carefully through the trees until it found a way into the village itself, then it spent its time dodging through the streets, around buildings, passed a random puppy who was gnawing on a pineapple who was being spoken to by a boy with white eyes who kept mumbling the words like 'fate' and 'destiny', and slowly…slowly approached its destination.

Eagerly it broke into a run and slammed around a corner and smacked into something coming the other way.

Shaking it's head it pulled itself to it's feet, "Sorry." It mumbled and helped the other darkened fellow to its feet.

"No, I apologise, it was my fault." The Shadow said and dusted itself off quickly, "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Neither was I." The Shadow mark II said contritely, "Are you harmed?"

"No, I'm fine. You?" The Shadow replied.

"I have no injuries." The Shadow mark II assured The Shadow.

"Good, good. Now if you'll excuse me, things to do, people to stalk…you know how it is."

The Shadow mark II nodded in understanding, "Of course, don't let me keep you. Good evening." Then it slipped off down the road continuing on its journey.

The Shadow followed the shadow of The Shadow mark II till it was out of sight (about two steps since the moon was hidden behind a cloud) and then turned and continued on its way across town.

It took barely five minutes for it to arrive at its destination and it was soon slipping in a still conveniently unlocked window and creeping through a half open door into one Uzumaki Naruto's bedroom.

The Shadow stayed near the door for a moment, watching the blonde sleep, then moved over to the bed and flicked its fingers lightly across his hair, moving it out of his eyes.

"Aahhh…Precious…" Itachi whispered. "Aren't you lovely, Precious? So golden, so shiny…my _Precious_." Itachi let his fingers move gently along Naruto's cheek, "You're mine, my Precious, and I wants you. The thief, the thief, the nassty little thief; my brother wantss to steal you from me, but I won't let him, will I Preciousss?" the hand moved back to Naruto's hair, gently stroking it, "Curse him! I hates him! He tries to take my Precious from me, nassty little brother, nasssty."

Naruto suddenly wrinkled his nose in his sleep and turned over. Itachi snatched his hand back quickly, holding it close to his chest and waited. After a moment Naruto settled and Itachi brushed the fringe back from his eyes again.

"Don't worry, my Precious; Itachi will protect you. Itachi will keep you safe from my nasty little brother…Cause we don't want him to have you, do we precious? Oh no, I'll keep you for myself, yes yess; so you just wait, my Precious, one day we'll be together. Sleep well now, my _Precious_…"

For the final time Itachi withdrew his hand, stood and then slipped back out the door, heading home.

-

Sasuke knocked lightly on Itachi's bedroom door.

There was no response.

He knocked again, louder.

Tapping his foot, Sasuke waited all of three seconds before he finally pushed the door open and marched into his brothers room and shook his shoulder in an attempt to wake him up.

"Itachi! Itachi wake up, we have to train." He snapped.

"…Tomorrow…" Itachi mumbled into his pillow.

Sasuke shook him again, "Aniki! Wake _up_!"

Itachi sat bolt upright, levelled Sasuke with a fearsome blood red gaze, "Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz, I said _come back tomorrow!_" And he flopped back down into his blankets, pulling his pillow over his head.

Sasuke paused and stared at the huddle of blankets and then, mouth forming a thin line of annoyance, he tried one final time to get his brother up, "Get up, Itachi!"

"…G'way, I'm sleepin'…" Itachi mumbled.

Sasuke growled, "Tell me something I _don't_ know."

Itachi yawned, "I'm wearing Naruto's underwear." He said and then snuggled further down into his blankets, disappearing completely into the mound.

Sasuke froze completely at the words and then, posture stiff, left the room as fast as he could.

-

Sasuke was walking aimlessly.

Well not really aimlessly, he was going to train, but it seemed he was doing so by an extremely roundabout route, probably because Naruto and Sakura were leading the way.

A few feet behind the two, Sasuke kept to himself and alternated between staring at Naruto intently and rubbing at his old curse mark; it had been burning weirdly all night.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke winced his way out of his thoughts as Sakura all but yelled into his ear.

"Sasuke-kun, are you alright?" Sakura asked, her voice laced with enough concern to drown an army.

"I'm fine." Sasuke said and did his best to turn away from her, rubbing at his neck distractedly.

"Your…your bruise, is it okay?" She asked, wringing her hands.

Sasuke looked at her sharply, "Yes!" he snapped.

"O…okay… It's just that you've been rubbing at it all morning…" she persisted.

"Its. Fine." Sasuke stopped walking and glared at her.

"Sasuke-kun…"

A few feet away something stirred in the forest.

Yup, you guessed it. It was Neji, running quickly after a small puppy who, due to a cruel twist of fate, had stolen his last pineapple. After his fight with Naruto during the chuunin exam though, he had learnt not to take these things lying down. He would fight for his pineapple, and he would fight hard! No puppy would defeat him!

In the wake of the escaping puppy, and the revenging Neji, The Shadow mark II stepped out of the forest and eyed Sasuke and his friends.

"Aahhh…" The Shadow mark II said, its voice dry and raspy, "Uchiha Sasuke…"

Sasuke tried to take a step backwards, but his legs wouldn't move.

"Do you see what I have become?" The Shadow mark II stepped forward, "A mere Shadow mark II…I have form only when I can steal another's body…but there have always been those willing to let me into their hearts and minds…seeing you again has strengthened me these passed weeks…I saw your parents, singing in the forest…and once I have you I'll have a strong body of my own…now why don't you give me that Stone in your pocket?"

So he knew. The feeling sudden surged back into Sasuke's legs. He stumbled backwards.

"Don't be a fool," snarled The Shadow mark II. "Better save your own life and join me… or you'll meet the same end as your parents… They died begging me for mercy..."

"LIAR!" Sasuke shouted suddenly.

The Shadow mark II walked towards him and the evil face was now smiling at him.

"How touching…" it hissed, "I always value bravery…Yes, boy, your parents were brave…I killed your father first, he put up a courageous fight…but your mother needn't have died…she was trying to protect you… Now give me the Stone, unless you want her to have died in vain."

"NEVER!"

Ignoring his scar that was all but searing a hole in his neck, Sasuke leapt to the side and began to run, mumbling to himself. "Run. Forest…run…"

After a moment, he disappeared from sight, into the forest.

The Shadow mark II stood in shock for a moment and then spun on his heel, "Wait! I wasn't finished! Come back!" And he too ran off into the forest, closely following Sasuke's trail.

Naruto who, up until this point had been completely silent, stared in shock and then a look of determination graced his features, "You bastard! Stay away from Sasuke!" he yelled and he took off quickly into the forest, barely a few steps behind The Shadow mark II.

Sakura sunk slowly to her knees, her eyes wide and her mouth agape with shock. "Sasuke…kun?" she whispered to herself and then fainted with fright as a figure suddenly dropped out of the trees in front of her.

"Naru-chan?" Itachi stared into the forest intently before following the now well trod trail, "Don't worry, my Precious; I'm coming!"

--------------------

Chapter Complete

End Author Notes: _Another chapter complete. We rock, or at least sway gently._

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed O.O we were expecting maybe 4 reviews at most (and a few flames) – hugs to everyone!!! (please form a line to receive your hug, no pushing, no fighting, please proceed in an orderly fashion)_

_Review! (That's right, reading is not mandatory, though it would be appreciated.)_


	3. The NEW chapter exciting! All new! Gets ...

**Disclaimer**: We Dis-claim…errr….

The chapter that comes after the chapter that came after the chapter that came before that one.

**_10-Years-Later_**

Sakura was walking through the forest.

…Well actually she was more tripping than walking. Her feet kept getting caught on hidden snags, rocks and dead branches and only her amazing skill as a fully trained Ninja was keeping her on her feet – but I can't really say she was 'tripping through the forest' because that just sounds dumb. So, for all intents and purposes – Sakura was walking through the forest.

…Well _actually_ it wasn't really a forest. It was a grove of sparse trees that lined one edge of the inside wall of Konoha Village, but I _can't_ really say 'Sakura was walking through a grove of sparse trees that lined one edge of the inside wall of Konoha Village' cause seriously, how cumbersome. And besides, the grove was _connected_ to the forest, so I'm sure we can gloss over minor details.

Sakura was walking through the forest.

She wasn't really walking with much of a purpose – she just wanted to get some relaxation time and taking a quiet walk through the forest had seemed like the perfect idea.

All was peaceful around her as the trees waved to their friends, birds chatted to each other some daily gossip and the wind gently caressed a few low-lying bushes, receiving a sound smack upside the head for its audacity. It was quite calming, really. …or at least it would have been if the sounds of running and occasional yelling would bugger off.

Sakura spun on her heel as the sounds came towards her, ready to deck whoever was destroying her peace and quiet, and rant quite extensively – all she managed to do though was stand stunned.

"…_leave me the hell alone!_"

Sakura froze as a black and blue blur shot passed her and then disappeared into the trees, heading towards the village. Was that just…? B-but it couldn't have be-

"_…Look what I've be**come**!"_

A brown coloured, longhaired blur raced passed her suddenly, knocking her back a step, and then disappeared again; heading straight after the first blur.

That had been…that had been…

"_Teme! Leave him alone!"_

An orange blur shot out of the trees with a black and red blur right behind it.

"_Naru-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!_"

"_Teme! Leave **me** alone!"_

"_Naru-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"_

_"Argh!"_

They disappeared in the same direction the first two had disappeared in – heading straight for the Village.

Sakura stared after them for a moment, her mouth hanging open. There was no doubt about it, after ten _long_ years, Sasuke and Naruto had come back to the village…and they had brought Orochimaru and Itachi with them.

Sakura clenched her fist for a moment and took a step forward to go after them but was suddenly hit from behind and knocked out completely by Neji as he ran through the forest in carefree joy with his Pineapple and a small puppy.

-

Sasuke ran.

No really, he was running. His legs were moving and everything.

He ran clear of the trees, dived around a corner, flipped rather dramatically over a cart filled with chickens that was parked randomly in the middle of the street and then carried on running.

That freak was right behind him; damn that Orochimaru – ten years was a long time to run for and the stupid snake-man just wouldn't let up.

Sasuke slid around _another_ corner and spied a flight of stairs out in the middle of the street. _Of course!_ That's where he'd been going wrong! When you were being chased by someone that creeped you out completely and who might, or might not, be planning to kill you, you run _up a flight of stairs!_ Sasuke changed the direction of his running and virtually flew up the stairs.

He counted exactly 107 steps before he reached the top, which turned out to be a narrow walk-bridge that spanned over the length of Konoha with no real point and, once he thought about it, he couldn't even remember it ever being here… But of course he'd been gone for a long time, so who knew what had been built in his absence.

Pausing when he reached the top, Sasuke turned enough to see if anyone was coming up behind him and he froze completely, his expression going curiously flat. Yes, there was someone behind him alright. Three someone's in fact.

-

Orochimaru paused at the bottom of the flight of stares, being knocked to his knees almost instantly as first Naruto, and then Itachi slammed into him. A few seconds later, after a half fist-fight, half-singles dance, the three managed to locate all their correct appendages and climb to their feet.

Naruto stared at Orochimaru suspiciously while making sure he was standing out of easy grabbing distance of Itachi.

"Why'd you stop?" he demanded. "Where's Sasuke?"

Orochimaru shrugged and peered up the extensive flight of steps before him.

"Hey, where do these stairs go?" Itachi demanded.

"They go _up_." Orochimaru answered and shot away from the group, hightailing his way up the stairs with the certain knowledge that Sasuke was at the top of them. After a brief pause Naruto took off after him.

"Orochimaru! Teme!" Naruto put in a burst of speed to catch up to the longhaired snake-man in ahead of him and managed to pull abreast of him, nearly pushing him over the side of the staircase.

Orochimaru's face bore a look of comic horror as he realised he could see the top of the flight of stairs no more than ten steps away and that Naruto had finally caught up with him.

Jerking an arm out, Orochimaru attempted to force Naruto behind him but Naruto, still short even after ten years of growing, ducked under the arm, pulled down one of his eyelids at the older man and then shot on ahead, catching Sasuke in a full tackle as he reached the top of the stairs and sent them both sliding across the bridge for a distance.

Behind them Orochimaru reached the top of the stairs and stopped to catch his breath, ignoring Itachi as he dived past him to stand defensively, cloak flapping dramatically, in front of his Naruto-chan.

Orochimaru finally caught his breath and eyed the black haired man standing before him.

"Itachi." He stated.

"Orochimaru." Itachi stated back.

"Itachi."

"Orochimaru."

"Itachi."

"Orochimaru."

"Itac-" Orochimaru paused as a phone began to ring and then rummaged around in his pocket pulling out a small cell phone. "Just a minute." He said distractedly and turned slightly to answer the call. "Hullo?"

The phone answered in a hissing whisper. _Seven days…_

Orochimaru ripped the phone away from his ear, screamed and threw the phone at Itachi who caught it, puzzled. He put the phone to his ear for a second and then, just as Orochimaru had, he ripped the phone from his ear, screamed and threw the phone away. Naruto, having finally let Sasuke get up, caught it.

"What the he-" he muttered and put the phone to his ear briefly before hurling it from him, his eyes wide with horror.

Sasuke glared at everyone in general and then picked the phone up from where it had landed near his feet, putting it to his ear. There was a pause as he was stared at in mute horror… and then he nodded, made a small sound of agreement, said, "Okay, then. Thank you." And then pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up, hurling the phone in Orochimaru's direction.

The tall man yelped and leapt out of the way of the idly thrown object, letting it clatter to the ground near his feet.

Sasuke glared at the man in disgust, "She said your dry-cleaning will be ready in seven days. Bakayarou."

Orochimaru blinked at Sasuke for a moment, then purposefully turned his gaze away from him and back to Itachi.

"Itachi." He stated.

"Orochimaru." Itachi stated back.

"Itachi."

"Orochimaru."

"Itachi."

"Orochimaru."

"Itachi…" Orochimaru held up a hand in Itachi's direction, his expression turning pained, "Itachi, do you plan to…betray me?"

"Orochimaru…I will do what I have to, to defend Naruto." Itachi said firmly.

"They will never accept your help!" Orochimaru said fiercely. "You are a traitor, an S-class missing-nin!"

"Yes…I know. But…_but_…" Itachi's lips quirked up briefly into a small smirk and he suddenly leapt up onto the banister of the bridge and, cloak flaring around him in the wind and hair whooshing around his face spectacularly, he began to speak, his voice full of dramatic emotion. "Ninja-kind…that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore; we will be united in our common interest.

"Perhaps it is fate that to_day_ is the Fourth's Birthday and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression or persecution; but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. Should we win the day, the Fourth's birthday will no longer be known as just another day; but the day we declared in one voice, we will not go quietly into the _night_, we will not vanish without a fight. We're going to live on; we're going to _survive_. Today, we celebrate _our self-determination day_!"

There was a moment of silence as Itachi stood where he was, one arm raised and the other over his heart and the wind dancing a rather risqué lambada with his cloak – then slowly Orochimaru began to clap; his face alight with awe at Itachi's oratory mastery.

Off to the side, Sasuke and Naruto looked at the two men flatly until finally Naruto could stand it no more. Stomping across the intervening space between he and Orochimaru, Naruto kicked the man in the shin.

"You're not supposed to _clap_ for him, you're the one he's planning on defeating!" He yelled.

Orochimaru clutched at his pain filled shinbone and glared at Naruto, "Credit where credit's due!" he snarled out, "It was a good speech!"

Naruto stared at Orochimaru incredulously and then growled out the first words that came to mind.

"Sugoi kinjutsu! Yubi utsu hitai no Jutsu!(1)" And then he flicked Orochimaru very precisely, smack between the eyes.

Orochimaru staggered backwards, his eyes wide with shock. "No! I've been defeated!" he exclaimed, "Goodbye…cruel…world…" and he began to fall backwards slowly, one arm outstretched as if reaching for something that could somehow save him.

Itachi's eyes widened in shock as Orochimaru began to fall and for them both time seemed to slow down.

_"Orochimaru…NoooooOOooOooOOooOOoooOOooOOooOoooooOOOOOOoooo!_" Slowly Itachi began to run forward, his arm outstretched towards the defeated man. "_OooOooooOOoooOoooooooOoooo…_!"

Time resumed it's normal speed suddenly as Orochimaru landed in Itachi's arms, with an 'Oomph!' sound.

"Orochimaru, don't die!" Itachi begged earnestly, "You can't leave me!"

"I'm sorry, Itachi. I can't…go on…" Orochimaru took a shallow breath, "Good…bye…"

"Don't you do that, don't you say your goodbyes." Itachi said desperately.

"I'm so cold." Orochimaru whispered and shivered for effect.

Itachi clutch Orochimaru closer to his chest, smoothing his hair back from his face, "I don't know about you," he said, his voice sounding strained, "but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the Hokage about all this." He continued to absently pet Orochimaru's hair, "You're going to go on…and have lots of babies and raise them. You're going to die an old woman warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Do you understand me?" he brought his hand to Orochimaru's jaw, making the man look into his eyes, "Killing my family was the best thing that ever happened to me, it brought me to you…and I'm thankful for that Orochimaru, I'm thankful. You must do me this honour, promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me Orochimaru, and never let go of that promise."

Orochimaru looked up at Itachi adoringly, his eyes wobbling slightly with intense unshed emotion, "I promise."

"Never let go!"

"I'll never let go Itachi, I'll never let go!"

They looked at each other adoringly for a moment until Orochimaru finally broke the silence. "Itachi…there's something I've been meaning to tell you…"

Itachi gently brushed a strand of fringe out of Orochimaru's eyes. "And that is?"

"Do you…do you remember a few months ago, when we were passing through the mountains?"

-

Itachi leaned on a wooden fence, his left foot resting on its bottom slat. "Nice flock of cows." He said conversationally, looking out at the farm animals a few feet away.

Orochimaru turned his head slightly to look at Itachi, "Herd of cows." He corrected.

"Yeah." Itachi said superiorly, "Heard of chickens?"

-

Orochimaru looked up at Itachi, his eyebrow twitching slightly. "No…the _other_ time." He said.

-

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…and the Itachi-tachi were camping in the mountains.

Itachi sat on a log near a roaring fire, his leg pulled up before him as he watched Sasuke and Orochimaru fighting over how to cook their dinner. The fight went on for some time before Naruto, fed up with the bickering, or maybe just hungry, stormed in between them, grabbed the pan of bacon and stomped over to the fire to cook it himself.

Itachi smirked slightly as Naruto walked passed him and reached out, scoring himself a free grope.

Naruto spun around furiously, "_What the hell are you doing!_" he demanded.

"Nothing." Itachi said smoothly.

"Oh, you're _right_," Naruto said sarcastically, "my arse must have jumped out and grabbed your hand!"(2)

-

Orochimaru tried to suppress the twitch above his left eye that was growing ever so slightly more pronounced. "No." he said in annoyance, "The _other_ time."

-

It had been a long days running and Sasuke had decided to take a bath in a nearby river. Moving away from the camp where he and his group had set themselves up, Sasuke was delighted to find that the river had a serviceable waterfall further upstream and he quickly stripped down to enjoy the rare commodity of a shower.

Diving under the water, Sasuke came up and ran his hands back through his hair and then froze completely as he realised that there was a hand already there.

Silence seemed to stretch for a while and then tentatively Sasuke said the only thing he could think of to explain it. "…Itachi?"

"Yes?" Itachi questioned pleasantly.

Itachi spent the rest of that night running.

-

Orochimaru pulled himself up into a sitting position and grabbed Itachi by the front of the shirt, shaking him hard. "Not that time either, you idiot! The _other time! _The **_other_**_ time_!" he exclaimed.

-

"Wow." Itachi said and rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath. "Wow." He repeated.

Beside him, Orochimaru sat up, leaning on his elbow as his long hair fell down around him, caressing his shoulders and the soft grass beneath him with its soft strands. He smirked.

Itachi stared upwards, his dazed expression barely noticing the bright yellow fruit in the lemon tree they lay under, "So you really _can_ strangle a full grown man with just your tongue!"

"Easily." Orochimaru said smugly.

"So what else can you do with that thing?" Itachi asked curiously.

Orochimaru's smirk grew wider, "Well, there is this _one_ thing…"

-

"Yes! That time!" Orochimaru said with relief and sat back slightly.

"Well?" Itachi said.

"Well, what?" Orochimaru asked irritably.

"Well, what did you want to tell me." Itachi said.

"Oh." Orochimaru said dismissively, "I'm with child."

Itachi blinked and then looked around them, noting that Sasuke and Naruto were staring at them with something amounting to horror, "Who's child?"

"Your child."

"No, I'm Itachi."

"No." Orochimaru frowned, "_Your_ child."

"Orochimaru, My _name_ is _I-ta-chi_."

"Yes!" the longhaired man said exasperated, "But I mean _your child_."

Itachi put a hand to Orochimaru's forehead, "Are you feeling alright, Orochimaru?"

Orochimaru slapped the hand away and stood up, "I'm pregnant with your baby you dumbarse!"

"Oh." Itachi said, his face getting that slightly dazed look of someone either told something they can't quite comprehend, or hit in the back of the head with a board. "Oh…well…that's uhmmm…"

Orochimaru sighed a sigh of the long suffering and then pulled Itachi to his feet. "Come on, we're leaving." He stated and began to drag the dazed man away.

"Hey! Wait!" The yell came from behind them, "No leaving till we defeat you!" Naruto exclaimed and appeared in front of them.

"Get out of the way, brat." Orochimaru said haughtily.

Naruto glared and then brandished his finger, "No way!" he exclaimed, "Sugoi kinjitsu! Yubi utsu hitai no Jutsu!"

Orochimaru managed to dodge out of the way of the terrible technique, but Itachi, standing right behind him, wasn't so lucky.

Staggering backwards, Itachi put a hand to his forehead and then looked at Naruto menacingly, his mentality fully restored.

"You!" he said, pointing at Naruto dramatically, "Don't you dare touch Orochimaru, the mother…father…mother…person containing my unborn child!" he leapt back up onto the rail of the bridge and glared down at Naruto for a moment before turning to Orochimaru; the wind around them whipping his cloak around him spectacularly.

"Missing-nin. That word should have new meaning for us both today…"

-

Sasuke sat bolt upright in bed, his chest heaving as he struggled to pull air into his lungs. His eyes were wide as he stared blankly ahead of him into the darkness of his room.

"Sasuke?" A sleep blurred voice inquired and Sasuke turned his head slightly in its direction. The sound of the voice was enough to settle him and, after taking a deep, calming breath, he settled back against his pillows and put his arm around his lover, pulling them closer.

"It's nothing, Naruto. Just a dream." He murmured into the blondes hair and pulled the boy closer. "A _creepy_ dream." He added, but Naruto no longer heard him, having drifted back into sleep.

Sasuke looked up towards his night-darkened roof for a while before finally shaking the dream from his mind and closing his eyes. A few moments later he was soundly back asleep.

Meanwhile, deep in the forests of Konoha, where even the most agonised death screams of tortured victims would never be heard, two dark shadows stood in the…shadows. Well _one_ stood, the other was lying down. Kind of lying down. Probably more sitting up actually; but lying down really because they were being propped up so it was probably more like lying up involuntarily.

The other wasn't even standing either, they were kneeling, but not since they were kind of crouching, but bending over, but not kneeling cause there weren't much in the way of knees involved, but they weren't really standing so…

…

One was half standing, the other was half lying.

The moon, hiding behind a cloud, didn't shed any light at all on the two shadows so they were lucky they could even see each other much less anything else; yet somehow The Shadow had a hold of the Shadow Marc II's hand and was whispering gentle words over the pain filled, rasping sounds of heavy breathing.

"Remember your classes, breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out." The Shadow was kind of close to hyperventilating himself but…he just knew that when this was over, there'd be a little 'Shadow Mark III' running around…

* * *

Name that Fik: END…or _is it!_

* * *

(1) Secret technique, Finger to forehead technique. 

(2) This line was taken from a dream co-authoress Justice-hime had. The ass-grabber was Emenim o.O

Author Notes: Third chapter of this fik (of which there was ever only supposed to be two chapters at most o.O). We've had it mostly written for a while, just needed to finish it off – today was the lucky day.

And go vote for us at the NFA (Naruto Fanfiction Awards)! We're losing! (url in profile)


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